The Trouble with Holidays.
It’S tHe MoSt WoNdErFuL TiMe Of ThE yEaR……....right?
I have some issues with this song. Let’s break it apart from a therapeutic lens, just for fun.
“It's the most wonderful time of the year! With the kids jingle belling, and everyone telling you be of good cheer.”
So, it is expected to be the most wonderful time of the year. As a mom, I will love doing all things tradition! We get ramped up for December and try to fit in all of the holiday magic. However, that second part…how frustrating is that? Sometimes it is not all cheerful. Sometimes we are overstimulated and tired. Sometimes we are trying to fit in all of our tradition while also making the additional generations of tradition happy. While also fighting for our lives every single day (sorta laughing). All the while, our children really have no idea (nor do they always care) if we get around to everything. And if they do care? We can have a conversation about it. So, telling me to be of good cheer…maybe pause first…I am trying.
“It's the hap-happiest season of all.”
Let’s please remember, sometimes it is not. There are many people whom I hold space for who are grieving the season. Some even dreading it. While you are totally allowed to celebrate and feel joyous, understand that some may not. Seasonal Affective Disorder is also in high swing.
“There'll be much mistltoeing and hearts will be glowing when loved ones are near.”
I am absolutely not asking you to refrain from embracing your loved ones when you are around. I am encouraging you to be mindful of those who cannot glow because their loved ones are not near.
“There'll be parties for hosting, marshmallows for toasting and caroling out in the snow.”
While this may be a big tradition for most, consider how overwhelming it can be for some. Their inability to be present for everything is not a reflection of their dislike for their family or friends, they just may be at their capacity and/or limit for what they can handle. Every single person has a different size energy-gauge, and if they have made the decision to step away from tradition, consider if out of respect for everyone else as well as themselves.
“There'll be scary ghost stories and tales of the glories of Christmases long, long ago.”
Lastly, folks, reflecting on holidays may not be as enjoyable for some. If you are telling tales of Christmases long, long ago, ensure it is coming from a place of honor and care, and not at the expense of someone else’s feelings. We may find revisiting memories as hilarious, however for some, they have moved on and no longer find it funny being the butt of the joke.
“So, you are telling me I have to tip toe around how I feel about our family traditions and holidays?”
Absolutely not. If that is what you gathered from the words you read, I encourage you to process that in therapy.
I am simply saying: be aware of your own personal expectations, projections, and/or reactions to change.
As families make new decisions and traditions for themselves, sometimes it can feel personal. Boundaries may need to be set. We understand how uncomfortable that can feel. Do not forget the power of a healthy conversation.
Some simple steps to keep in mind are explained here in this quick Ted Talk:
Set the Stage- Ensure you have consent and a distraction-free environment (no multitasking).
Adopt a Curious Mindset- Enter with an open mind, ready to learn, and assume you have something to gain.
Step into Their Shoes- Consider the other person's perspective and potential reactions.
A quick skill to use to address this conflict with your loved ones if needed can be described here.
Describe the current situation (if necessary). Stick to the facts.
Express your feelings and opinions about the situation.
Assert yourself by asking for what you want or saying “No” clearly.
Reinforce (reward) the person ahead of time by explaining positive effects of getting what you want or need.
Mindful keep your focus on your goals.
Appear confident, effective, and competent.
Negotiate be willing to give to get.
Need additional support in processing these challenges and emotions? Want to work on adopting a new mindset? Reach out, I discuss these areas all the time.
And let’s not forget the main point of the holiday: peace on Earth.
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Additional holiday blogs:
