Boundaries: Actually IN-clusive.

There was once a time I was being called “The Boundary Therapist” by colleagues and clients.

It was an honor. I love me some good ol’ boundaries.

Something I noticed when working with clients on their boundaries though: they were always worried that it would piss people off.

Well, because it usually does.

So, what I realized is that we all need to start reporting the real definition of boundaries to our loved ones before (or during) the time that the boundaries are being implemented.

Stick with me, because I think you will learn something too.

Let’s start by rewinding all the way back to the basics.

What do you know about barriers and boundaries that are created in public locations? I am talking fences, concrete walls, and barricades.

THEY ARE CREATED FOR SAFETY.

When driving on the road, you are constantly seeing structures being formed and created for the protection, security, and flow/ease of the general population. They guard others from entering dangerous zones (purposeful or not), unsafe structures, and potential harm in the future.

Also…synonym for barriers: boundaries.

At what point did this get confused and misconstrued?

Are we using social media too much again?

Boundaries do the exact same purpose as barriers. They are just used in relationships instead of in visual methods. And maybe that is the problem.

What you do not see, is that my clients are setting boundaries with those whom they want relationships with for the purpose of protecting the alliance, preventing harm in the bond, and ensuring everyone involved feels safe.

Cannot think of an example where a boundary may have been set with you? Oh no…

One primary example, you can usually think of holiday traditions within family systems.

Therapists also set boundaries.

Sometimes it feels conflicting or frustrating that we are not always willing to help, but truth is - we have to model these things. We have to stay healthy ourselves, and we are pretty skilled in wanting you in our lives within a way that makes the relationship actually more harmonious.

So, moral of the blog:

STOP being afraid of the boundaries you need to set for yourself and others.

STOP feeling offended when people are setting these boundaries that they desperately need for the sake of their mental health and their relationship with you or a fellow loved one.

STOP trying to manipulate, convince, or cut corners to accepting the boundaries that are set. This only increases the barriers your loved one needs to now put up…again.

INSTEAD, maybe…go to therapy and process why you are feeling so personally attacked by this fence, wall, barrier, boundary, blockade. It could be a really wonderful thing for you and the loving people around you.

And…please don’t ask ChatGPT about the situation. I promise therapists can do much better.

Boundaries are actually IN-clusive. If your loved one wanted to EX-clude you, they just would do that already.

Reach out: Let’s process these dang boundaries around you.